[topical motion]
i sit and stare blankly at
the wall ahead of me
trying hard not to let this thought be
so goddamn upseting
that there
must
be some key factor that i lack
to keep you from
returning
my love for you back

well thats fine with me, ok not really
you know me, im just
always dealing
but one day you will awake
at dawn
with a sinking feeling, and find
me gone
i wonder
what
you'll think right then
as the reality of it starts
sinking in
will you be secretly happy, relieved
at best
place my picture amongst all the rest
or will your heart
sink,
maybe shed a tear even
that one regret: what could have been.

[i may be damn near the end]
everyday i feel a little older.
and my dealings with people just seem to make me
colder.
how can she act this way after everything i told her?!
and am i supposed to just press on
like a good little soldier?
i try again to interact with other people
but the eyes of a girl hold nothing good
just evil.
i'd rather just have an intimate affair
with another needle.
atleast then i wouldnt feel just quite as feeble.
so quik to judge my
re-actions
to the way they act
and the things you've done
atleast when im fucked up again
i can laugh and be smilin'
and...just
be more...more...more
fun!...

[i want it]
it was six in the morning when i lay down my head.
now its late in the day & im just out of bed.
trying hard to recount all the things that we said.
and what it was that we did...

[ammendum to a shitty day]
is it wrong to want again tonite
asleep with you like 'that one nite'
i wont take so many drugs, i swear
okay...i might...
but i get all nerves in your sight
some times
i just want to do everything right
sometimes
just so long as i can feel your light.
and know that it is I
that makes it so bright.

{well, fuck me...}
im trying to darlin'
you know that i want to.
be that well-named gluton
up in the sky.
promised id carry you
but you never even asked me to.
and yeah
i think about that.
i think about alot of things
some times too much
sometimes to many
but i like thinking about you.

[babby dont go]
baby dont go away
not like this; not right now.
dont run away from me like
you do all the time
to them.
they who you mock and derail to me
all of the time
why wont you be with me
i will shout out my life at you
thru a cheap microphone
i will unequivecally proove
once and for all
i am the you for you

[right]
you think you know?
HA!
what you show is your lack of understanding
your preseption of me as being something
i am not
and your own idea of your own
self-importance

Lover I Don't Have to Love

I picked you out
of a crowd and talked to you
Said I liked your shoes
You said thanks can I follow you?
So it's up the stairs
And out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time

And now it's two o'clock
the club is closed we're up the block
Your hands on me
Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's to sad to give a fuck
Where is the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said he'd meet us here but I'm not sure
I got the money if you got the time
You said it feels good, I said I'll give it a try

Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers, they just play tragic
And the phone's ringing
And the vans leaving
Let's just keep touching
Let's just keep... keep singing

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where is the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you, but you
you write such pretty words
but life's no story book
Love is an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
Do you like to hurt? I do I do
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me, then hurt me, then hurt me, then hurt me, then hurt me, then hurt me, then hurt me